They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
