The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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