Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
