i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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