Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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