Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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