dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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