I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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