Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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