You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So vagazzling was a success