My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.