I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My pussy is not your playground.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you