She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?