If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob