I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
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Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival