so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.