he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting