Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just forgot I was standing up.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!