At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
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I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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