My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
