She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
