You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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