I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
