he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
