i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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