can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
