My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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