Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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