He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
