i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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