If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
