This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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