Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
