when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
wow bdsm is so cute
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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