God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
