Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my poor anus
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
