Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
