I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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