I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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