Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I won the penis lottery.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
