I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
