Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize