I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize