I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
