just tell him i said nine months
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
