I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
