Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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