Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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