be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
