My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
