I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
