I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
