I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
