you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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