it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
