The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I pour the whiskey from now on
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
