I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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