Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Alive.
So much puke
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
