Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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