We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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