and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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