i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You made out with two different species that night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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