Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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