My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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