I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
