Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
