STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
