Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
